This Aint Golf! It's Cricket!

 Agree, you've never read an article about cricket before, right? But wait, this is no ordinary cricket, this is Ash! Ashes? Yes, the series between England and Australia dates back to the 1870s. Two old enemies fought in England all summer.

Australia, the number one in the world, world champions, is such a wonderful team that has extolled it before world cricket since the decline of the great West Indies team ten years ago. But England too, and it is England, not Britain, that is on the rise. They have defeated all of their main rivals - India, Pakistan, South Africa, Sri Lanka, New Zealand and the West Indies, and only mighty Australia is now standing in their way at the top of world cricket.

Some say that test cricket (it's a 5-day option, I'm not kidding, and even then the match could be a draw) is a dying sport, some say it has no future, some say that today's kids don't have the patience to watch match within five days. It is doomed. Well, how did this American general so eloquently answered the Wehrmacht when he was surrounded at Bastogne: "Nuts!"

This is the biggest sporting event to hit Britain this summer, with no exceptions. When Ashes kicked off at the Lords cricket court last Thursday in London, there were 30,000 slobbering followers packed inside. It is estimated that they could cover the ground six times. I have no doubt that this is true. It wasn't a sign of a dying sport back then. And what's wrong with playing a titanic fight for five days? Golf is played for four days, and in the event of a draw or bad weather, it can develop into the fifth.

On an overcast morning, Australia won the toss and picked the bat - a bold decision in the face of overcast skies that could have allowed English fast bowlers to swing the ball in the air. Gotta make the batting tricky.

Cricket is a simple game. Two teams of eleven people. Each of them hits twice. Add up the runs from each serve and the team with the most wins. Easily. Five test matches, five days each. Australia's bat, and England's kick! Australia lost a measly 190 points. Bad result. Optimism is high. For heaven's sake, England have become the favorite in betting, something that hasn't been seen since the streak began over a year ago. What happened?

Scientists crawl out of their shells. Of course, they always knew that England was on the rise (oh, if they were), and that Australia, as they say, is now on the decline. We all knew that two of Australia's top bowlers, Shane Warne (the most trial wickets in history) and Glen McGrath, who missed the 500th wicket, were 35 and were no doubt nearing the end of their illustrious careers. Age does not seem to have affected Shane's bedroom activities, he is known as a busty blonde because of his physique and dyed hair, and the tabloid press in England and Australia has consistently criticized his extracurricular activities. It doesn't seem to distract him too much on the pitch.

So England joins the fight. Disaster. Glen McGrath refuses to believe the nonsense written in the newspapers. He quickly dispatches five of England's top batsmen to a crowded and overwhelmed pavilion, with just four rounds missed. England rallies, but too few, too late, they are eliminated at 155. First real blood is very definitely for the bottom men and this is a big disappointment after England's hostile and impressive start.

England has its own bowlers in the form of Charmison, Flintoff and Jones, all of whom are capable of throwing a ball at over 90 miles per hour. It could be damaging, trust me, and three Australians will get hurt. This is a cruel act and the crowd admires him. Yes, it is advisable to hit the wicket, but if you cannot do this, hit the batsman! If you do, they may disappear because not many batsmen can go about their business with a broken bone. Broken bones are fine. A powerful blow has been dealt to the Australian captain. The crowd is screaming, they like it. It's just as good that the batsmen are dressed up like superheroes from a futuristic comic book. When I was a guy in the sixties, hitters didn't even wear a helmet. Ah, those were the days. Then he hit them on the head, and they certainly didn't hit them again. Namby pambies today is not all!

Round two. Second innings. Australia is a bat again. The sun comes out. Bad sign if you are a fan of England. In sunny weather, the ball bounces off the bat and crashes into the boundary boards. The ball does not swing as much in thinner air. Suddenly the hitting is easier, much easier, and the famous Australian gaiety is back. Oh my God. We fear the worst. Surely the sharp-sighted layers also noticed. Australia quickly returned to the absolute favorites. How could we think otherwise?